Love? Nah Abuse!

With a show of hands, who here has ever been in an abusive relationship? Come on, It's okay to admit it! No one is judging

Relationships, in general have a lasting affect on us. Now these relationships can be anything from friendships to romantic relationships and some of them can be so emotionally draining and mentally scarring for life.


Okay, First let's go through a check list.

• Do you ever feel degraded?
• Does this someone dominates or controls your life in anyway or every-way?
• Does this person always accuse you for everything wrong in their life?
• Do they pressurise you to do things against your will. Things you normally wouldn't do.
• Do they often play the blame game?
• Do you feel neglected?
• Are you always depended on them for everything in your life?
• Do you need their permission for even little things?
• Do you feel you don't belong anywhere? 

If you relate to most of the above mentioned, then you are a victim of emotional abuse. Abusive Relationships, to my surprise are more common than I thought. More than 1 in 4 teenage relationships report enduring verbal abuse. In such relationships, their partners threaten violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up.

From the very beginning there are always signs of abuse but we tend to look the other way. Everything is good till the honeymoon phase where we voluntarily cut off from everything else just to be with this one person. For you being with this person is everything. And why not? It's new and don't we all search for it? True love and that. A fairy tale love story?

But what happens when the honeymoon period ends? When you want to get back to your life? Not because something went wrong but just you've to continue with life, the life you took a break from to get to know this new person who has entered your life. That is when trouble in paradise begins. That is when it all starts.

"Why do you want to go to the grocery? 

Is there someone else?"

"Why do you want to go over to your relatives?

Is there someone else?"

"Why do you want to take part in the competition?

Is there someone else?"

"Why do you want to break up?

Is there someone else?"

Like there is no other reason to end a toxic relationship but having someone else in your life. Why don't you go ahead and say:

"Why do you want to breathe ?

Is there someone else?"

Gah! The insecurity and paranoia. Instead of dealing with them they find the easy way out and dump it all on you. They will always suspect everything you do even if it is good. They don't find the need to consider your side of anything including your emotions.You say you love them and comply to all their whims and fancies, you are good to go. They are so exceptionally good with mind games that you question whether it's actually your fault. No isn't. It's just that they are that good. 

You know what's the actual horror of such relationships? Forget actual physical cheating, just take that and throw it out of the window. It is them calling and the call being on wait. You may be talking to someone who is dying and they would still expect you to hang up and talk to them and before that give an explanation why it was on wait. How dare you? They never think logically about anything, so if you aren't talking to them you are definitely cheating on them. Because that is what you do. Right! Sure! If they don't bring up your past and the sort of person you used to be at least once then I don't know why are we even existing. And God forbid if you were the party, open and wild sort then hell breaks loose. Good luck with that. When you don't answer, the person who falls prey for that is your BFF, after all they are their honorary partner. Sorry BFF. Good luck though. 

If that wasn't enough then there's this wonderful invention of What's App Messenger and even more wonderful is the invention of  'Last Seen At'. You'd be lying if you deny that you never had a fight regarding that. And then if you switch apps and come back within seconds then you are definitely sending nudes to everyone on your list. Now don't you know that will just break their heart? How dare you?

The passwords of all your accounts is like safety deposit because they are the boss and you are their employee and don't companies need your documents for their safety deposit? Are you really going to deny them that and lose your 'job' over that? Really? Why would you do that?

And when you comply with everything they say they are still going to be unsatisfied. So they will bring up something that happened ages ago, even before their existence in your life, feel bad about it and fight over it saying "How could you do this to me?" Oh Really?  I killed a fly 5 years back I'm sorry. I never meant to do that to you. Forgive me, please?

                                            

When it comes to them, even spies are nothing, they will want to know every move of you, every moment of your life and they will go to any extent to find that out. Did you know a person can actually track what pictures you send on Snapchat? There is something called privacy please do find out what it means if you can't, tell your Secret Santa to gift you a dictionary.

And if you ever have enough strength to end it, they wouldn't let you. Crying- The world's strongest weapon comes in handy now, " I'm just scared of losing you or else why would I even care?"  Oh really? You piece of shit would you want to be with you? Give the person some credit for putting up with you. Forget appreciation, acknowledge it. That's the least you could do after after ruining a person so much that they lost faith in everything . These are those relationships you don't want to share about with others because you are protecting a pathetic excuse for a human being's image. Why ? Do you really think you deserve that? Do you really think it's love? You don't deserve it no matter what you did. Don't do the time, if you didn't do the crime.

After all the mental torture, the emotional draining, the depriving of other human beings, the unhappiness and everything else, they still call it love. No it isn't. You DON'T do that to a person you LOVE. If you want someone like that go find yourself a masochist there are a lot of those around, okay if that's difficult there are people who are naturally like that. Don't take a happy, chirpy and full of life person and make them dull and lifeless. No, YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT.

For those people who are in such a relationship. Get out. I know it's incredibly hard. But do it trust me it feels better. Been there, done that. You deserve that. You owe that to yourself. And if you are in that phase where you want to talk about it and aren't strong enough yet to leave. Go talk to someone and then get the courage to leave. Soon. The world is waiting for you out there. Out of the prison. A world of freedom and happiness. Your freedom and your happiness.