Whaaaat? Whhhhhy ? Noooooo! Gaaah!

So over 2 months I have tried coming up with something to write about and I thought about everything under the sun from a life changing experience from the past to something as random as that particular bird that just sits outside my room's window that puts me into the 5th gear of panic attack everytime I want to look outside. Yes I have this irrational fear of birds, Ornithophobia if you want to say , the phobia even Sheldon Cooper has. Then I thought why not put all of it under one topic and write about something I'm exceptionally good at - Overthinking. 

                     

It’s crazy how you can get yourself in a mess sometimes and not make sense of it and yet not be able to think about anything else but it ? Yes that happens. We are bound to experience that sometime and if you are in anyway like me you'd experience that a lot often , even on a regular basis probably. If you don't mess up how'd you learn ? No life lessons learning from others mistakes. But it's a matter of concern when you don't learn from your mistakes and keep repeating the same over and over again. Okay that's something I have to think over and hopefully not overthink. 

                                 ' Human Mind is nothing less than a death trap ' 

                      

 

What the Human Mind loves is re-living situations you just want to keep in the past and it re-lives it with such compassion , you start rethinking your very existence. It's like a reel that's playing in the back of your head that's stuck on Rewind and Play. Rewind and play all the time. Even when you know there's no point in looking into the void of uncertainty , trying to plan out and predict each and every outcome , thinking , overthinking and excessively overthinking what could that lead to ? What could have that possibly meant ? The one question that's everyone's enemy WHY? It's not until you get a full blown panic attack and screw up everything far more than it already was,  that you realize it was never a big deal to begin with. Would it be in your lifetime movie ?( if there's ever one ) Probably. But I bet it's not the climax of it and it definitely isn't the climax of your life. 

Let's pick up an event and think about the possible directions it could have gone. If you didn't die. It isn't the worst case scenario and we never think about anything the same way we did when we did it. It's never the same thinking process. NEVER. And when we didn't put much thought about anything when it happened then why later ? But then the heart wants what it wants. And so does the Mind and it wants to overthink. Even if deep down you know it's not worth it. It's not worth beating yourself over it. But how much ever others tell you and you yourself too , it's not easy. It's going to make you wallow in self pity and drown in the pool of regrets. Just let it pass. It will take a while but don't skip it. Don't rob yourself from that. But once it's done just never go back there. Ever. And you will be good to go as with time everything passes. Everything. 

Innocence Lost!

The loss of innocence is something that is inevitable but there is something far more heart wrenching and it is the death of innocence .It manages to disrupt the natural order and to get it back to track is arduous. The  imbalance that it causes initiates a war within that manifests in each individual in such contradistinction that it is almost difficult to interpret but of course has the list of apparent symptoms of anguish ,withdrawal , severe depression and absolute denial.

Innocence is lost when the monsters under our bed find a way up to our minds and become permanent resident there, rent free.

Give up to it for making the decisions for you. Oh yes blame the monsters in the head for the bad decisions of your life. Why ? Because it's easy. Isn't that the way ? But then again loss of innocence could go either way. Maturity or Bitterness. Which one would be the road not taken ? I haven't chosen the path of maturity. Bitterness? Perhaps. I believe I'm just lost along the way somewhere. I have never been good with routes anyway.I don't mind wandering for a bit.

But what happens when innocence collides with reality? The harsh cold reality? You still think you can hang on to your innocence in the world that is hell bound to tear it apart? No matter how much you struggle to prevaricate you know it's going to be short lived. Lucky are those people who are able to hang on to it for a lot longer. You find yourself unintentionally envious of them even when it is something that can be lost more than once.I know I do.

Yes there are times you feel the need to uncontrollably cry and during those times all you should do is cry. Pour your heart open. Crying over something that is lost isn't wrong and when it comes to the innate innocence. It deserves a tearful departure. 

There used to be an element of innocence in love, it used to be unconditional. Not that it isn't now but there are certain conditions now( and one can' t deny that) and if you go right ahead and give it a fighting chance

and have the audacity to believe in something and choose it, something you know deep down is not right then people play you, they play you real good. 

Then you find the need to talk. The 'Pour your heart out' kind of talk. Where do you go then? When it comes to some people you rather choose the wall. I totally would. Even though you don't require a full on session with a therapist or therapist-like friend all one needs is to be heard. You don't have to empathize or sympathize with them. Just hear them out. Give the assurance you are there cause there are some battles you just can't fight alone and there are some battles you don't want to. 

Then comes the Handbooks of Mankind. Imparting its wisdom on innocence lost and how it's gone forever. Innocence is not like virginity , that ship if sailed is sailed unless you find a way to stitch back the hymen. Yes innocence lost is hard to come back and it's just not lost at once. But then again it's always better to have loved and lost than not love at all. Similarly, Cherish innocence and when it has to go it will either taken away or willingly . A lot sooner for some than the others, and again like everything else under the sun it too has it's own beauty.

Chaos! How Chaotic can you get?

Life has an age old habit to sucker punch us in our face. Unluckily, old habits die hard. When life doesn't go accordingly it gives rise chaos. Where there is order there is chaos and where there is chaos there has to be order somewhere around the corner. Chaos and Order are like soulmates, destined to be together. And just like in every couple (How much ever we deny) one always has the upper hand. In this case it's chaos . Chaos has a control that is just beyond order's grip. Chaos by its very definition is something that cannot be controlled. It brings with it a tornado of emotions and events and opens a floodgate for these emotions and from it creeps out HOPE.

Hope gives rise to expectations and you know everything is either downhill or all about moving mountains from there. Hope is something that keeps the world going , tearing apart one person at a time. Hope takes the theory of gestalt a tad bit serious. What is in a whole? When the very fragments that make it a whole are torn apart? Nevertheless as long as there are people with emotion there's going to be hope unless the human race is replaced by robots 

The outcome of it is unforeseeable. Nothing is worse than the chaos of the mind as no physical damage can equal to the devastation and the destruction of the mind. It really does play well with the boundaries of sanity till the brink that you see it slip through the grip of your fingers. No matter how chaotic chaos can be it has always got people out of their mediocre lives and selves . It gives a person something to look back when they are old and wrinkly , tucked in some comfortable corner in the world or perhaps not. People have always needed a push even if it's for their own benefit (not complaining I'm one of them) and come out of the eternal slumber of comfort. They call it the 'COMFORT ZONE' then they shouldn't have a problem when they are ZONED out. Fair game? After all that's what everyone fights for isn't it?  

Life asks us to be in order but is it? It's full of contradictions and there's ought to be chaos in that.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"or"Out of sight, Out of mind"

Which one is it life?

and then,

Let's talk about the one emotion that everyone wants to experience it( Yes even those who hate it. We all know it's a show) LOVE.

"It's better to have loved and lost than not love at all"

The People who have been in love you can see within their eyes a galaxy of chaos. An untold story or probably told  infinite times. The chaos in their mind never goes away. Human beings are said to be more evolved than any other species. Is it because we are tamed under what we call societal norms from the beginning of time? and oh yes the code of conduct and not left out in the wild where our forefathers belonged? ( Theory of evolution HEEELLLOOO)

and when we are unable to abide by them we are punished and put behind bars and solitary confinement cells. That's external. What about when we are unable to do something we are destined to do? Our insides take revenge . May we have mercy from our insides, the demons that reside within us. They emerge like a raw , feral entity. We are our own best friends and we are our own worst enemies. When the enemy takes over , you have to run a race against your own self to set things right, to fix things because no one can mess your life as much as you can do it. You just can't imagine what you are capable of  but then with great power comes the strength to endure it and once you are able to defeat the negative within you , the rest is a piece of cake. You are world ready then , take it by order or by chaos it's up to you.