Innocence Lost!

The loss of innocence is something that is inevitable but there is something far more heart wrenching and it is the death of innocence .It manages to disrupt the natural order and to get it back to track is arduous. The  imbalance that it causes initiates a war within that manifests in each individual in such contradistinction that it is almost difficult to interpret but of course has the list of apparent symptoms of anguish ,withdrawal , severe depression and absolute denial.

Innocence is lost when the monsters under our bed find a way up to our minds and become permanent resident there, rent free.

Give up to it for making the decisions for you. Oh yes blame the monsters in the head for the bad decisions of your life. Why ? Because it's easy. Isn't that the way ? But then again loss of innocence could go either way. Maturity or Bitterness. Which one would be the road not taken ? I haven't chosen the path of maturity. Bitterness? Perhaps. I believe I'm just lost along the way somewhere. I have never been good with routes anyway.I don't mind wandering for a bit.

But what happens when innocence collides with reality? The harsh cold reality? You still think you can hang on to your innocence in the world that is hell bound to tear it apart? No matter how much you struggle to prevaricate you know it's going to be short lived. Lucky are those people who are able to hang on to it for a lot longer. You find yourself unintentionally envious of them even when it is something that can be lost more than once.I know I do.

Yes there are times you feel the need to uncontrollably cry and during those times all you should do is cry. Pour your heart open. Crying over something that is lost isn't wrong and when it comes to the innate innocence. It deserves a tearful departure. 

There used to be an element of innocence in love, it used to be unconditional. Not that it isn't now but there are certain conditions now( and one can' t deny that) and if you go right ahead and give it a fighting chance

and have the audacity to believe in something and choose it, something you know deep down is not right then people play you, they play you real good. 

Then you find the need to talk. The 'Pour your heart out' kind of talk. Where do you go then? When it comes to some people you rather choose the wall. I totally would. Even though you don't require a full on session with a therapist or therapist-like friend all one needs is to be heard. You don't have to empathize or sympathize with them. Just hear them out. Give the assurance you are there cause there are some battles you just can't fight alone and there are some battles you don't want to. 

Then comes the Handbooks of Mankind. Imparting its wisdom on innocence lost and how it's gone forever. Innocence is not like virginity , that ship if sailed is sailed unless you find a way to stitch back the hymen. Yes innocence lost is hard to come back and it's just not lost at once. But then again it's always better to have loved and lost than not love at all. Similarly, Cherish innocence and when it has to go it will either taken away or willingly . A lot sooner for some than the others, and again like everything else under the sun it too has it's own beauty.

Chaos! How Chaotic can you get?

Life has an age old habit to sucker punch us in our face. Unluckily, old habits die hard. When life doesn't go accordingly it gives rise chaos. Where there is order there is chaos and where there is chaos there has to be order somewhere around the corner. Chaos and Order are like soulmates, destined to be together. And just like in every couple (How much ever we deny) one always has the upper hand. In this case it's chaos . Chaos has a control that is just beyond order's grip. Chaos by its very definition is something that cannot be controlled. It brings with it a tornado of emotions and events and opens a floodgate for these emotions and from it creeps out HOPE.

Hope gives rise to expectations and you know everything is either downhill or all about moving mountains from there. Hope is something that keeps the world going , tearing apart one person at a time. Hope takes the theory of gestalt a tad bit serious. What is in a whole? When the very fragments that make it a whole are torn apart? Nevertheless as long as there are people with emotion there's going to be hope unless the human race is replaced by robots 

The outcome of it is unforeseeable. Nothing is worse than the chaos of the mind as no physical damage can equal to the devastation and the destruction of the mind. It really does play well with the boundaries of sanity till the brink that you see it slip through the grip of your fingers. No matter how chaotic chaos can be it has always got people out of their mediocre lives and selves . It gives a person something to look back when they are old and wrinkly , tucked in some comfortable corner in the world or perhaps not. People have always needed a push even if it's for their own benefit (not complaining I'm one of them) and come out of the eternal slumber of comfort. They call it the 'COMFORT ZONE' then they shouldn't have a problem when they are ZONED out. Fair game? After all that's what everyone fights for isn't it?  

Life asks us to be in order but is it? It's full of contradictions and there's ought to be chaos in that.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"or"Out of sight, Out of mind"

Which one is it life?

and then,

Let's talk about the one emotion that everyone wants to experience it( Yes even those who hate it. We all know it's a show) LOVE.

"It's better to have loved and lost than not love at all"

The People who have been in love you can see within their eyes a galaxy of chaos. An untold story or probably told  infinite times. The chaos in their mind never goes away. Human beings are said to be more evolved than any other species. Is it because we are tamed under what we call societal norms from the beginning of time? and oh yes the code of conduct and not left out in the wild where our forefathers belonged? ( Theory of evolution HEEELLLOOO)

and when we are unable to abide by them we are punished and put behind bars and solitary confinement cells. That's external. What about when we are unable to do something we are destined to do? Our insides take revenge . May we have mercy from our insides, the demons that reside within us. They emerge like a raw , feral entity. We are our own best friends and we are our own worst enemies. When the enemy takes over , you have to run a race against your own self to set things right, to fix things because no one can mess your life as much as you can do it. You just can't imagine what you are capable of  but then with great power comes the strength to endure it and once you are able to defeat the negative within you , the rest is a piece of cake. You are world ready then , take it by order or by chaos it's up to you.

Do we know what we are?

                     

               " In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity." 

                                     

Identity , something that sets us apart from others is our identity. Something that we are in search of all our lives.Something that only a few are able to find without having a tough row to hoe. But then it distinguishes us from others and when we fail at it we have an identity crisis. Identity crisis is something that is often linked with adolescence though it's effects linger till the later teens and also the twenties. 'Who am I?' is one question that we all have asked ourselves at some point or the other. Societal norms have specific pre-set ways to be and behave that is considered normal and anyone not abiding by it is subjected to constant ridicule and scrutiny and thus we fall further into the quicksand that is Identity crisis.

       We have different kinds of it as we grow not just physically but mentally as well. To start with, there are various situations one encounters in his/her life and of course the people that come with it. 

There is no avoiding them.The more people you meet the more are the chances that they are going to make you question yourself. And you all know what people are capable of. It's not as pretty as they paint the picture to be. People always say why let what others think of you bother you. Ignore it for your own good 

Knowingly or unknowingly it effects us and then we try justifying ourselves not just to the world but deep down to ourselves , not finding a way out , shutting yourself down, building walls all around. It's not going to get you anywhere. You are just going to lose yourself in the process. Not knowing who you are anymore can be pretty devastating but you need to learn to get over it. It's not easy but then again it's not impossible either because with time everything passes even the deadliest storms.

     " No death, no doom, no anguish can arouse the surpassing despair which flows from a loss of identity"

The people are like predators waiting to prey on your weakness the moment they spot one. One of the biggest weakness a person can have is the inability to say 'NO' loud and clear. Something I too was incapable of saying all my life even if it made me uncomfortable. Not being able to say no can be because of a lot of reasons one of them being the uncontrollable need to please people and amidst of all that we lose the sense of who we are . So desperately trying to make our place in the world we often give in and end up being what is said about us rather than being what we are.

Something of that sort happened with me a couple of years back, thanks to my incapability of saying no I went through something I called a 'Rock Bottom' then and I couldn't find a way out and started becoming more and more what was said about me and it completely wrecked me. All I could do was scream into a pillow and cry. For me not reacting was just not possible. Those who can maintain their calm in such situations. Cheers. I can only imagine the storm you are building with in. So the only rational thing I could think of is to hear one good thing about me, it could be anything ,literally, and I asked one person ( the right person) to say something about me, her opinion about me . ( It was good btw)

So these people have this boy/girl next door exterior while getting their way with you (or at least trying to ) and you just end up being the girl who cried wolf. No matter how much you try the other person comes out as the good guy and you the bad one, wrong one and it's almost impossible to show their real side to people except your close ones (and at times not even that) . Good that it's the era of screenshots. You end up having some kind of proof. Nevertheless they are going to meet their fate sooner or later because karma bitch! It's so convenient to play the blame game.

"She was throwing herself at me. What could I do? I'm a guy after all."

Well you could keep it in your pants.

"You were drunk and asked for it"

Well you could have said NO.

People  ,something no one's ever going to get tired discussing. As long as there are people there are going to be people who are discussing about them , whether they are a saint or a sinner no one escapes the radar. Not that people want to either . Who doesn't love the limelight ?

And your only hope is not being in it for long and if you like it then enjoy your day of sunshine.

The mind is its own place and in itself it can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven. The choice is yours how you want it to be and your mind is your puppet you can play tricks on it just the way it does on you. With it in your control along with your heart you can conquer the world and finding yourself ( and your identity) in it is a battle that just cannot go wrong. Well everyone's fighting a battle and there's more to a person than what meets the eye.