Love? Nah Abuse!

With a show of hands, who here has ever been in an abusive relationship? Come on, It's okay to admit it! No one is judging

Relationships, in general have a lasting affect on us. Now these relationships can be anything from friendships to romantic relationships and some of them can be so emotionally draining and mentally scarring for life.


Okay, First let's go through a check list.

• Do you ever feel degraded?
• Does this someone dominates or controls your life in anyway or every-way?
• Does this person always accuse you for everything wrong in their life?
• Do they pressurise you to do things against your will. Things you normally wouldn't do.
• Do they often play the blame game?
• Do you feel neglected?
• Are you always depended on them for everything in your life?
• Do you need their permission for even little things?
• Do you feel you don't belong anywhere? 

If you relate to most of the above mentioned, then you are a victim of emotional abuse. Abusive Relationships, to my surprise are more common than I thought. More than 1 in 4 teenage relationships report enduring verbal abuse. In such relationships, their partners threaten violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up.

From the very beginning there are always signs of abuse but we tend to look the other way. Everything is good till the honeymoon phase where we voluntarily cut off from everything else just to be with this one person. For you being with this person is everything. And why not? It's new and don't we all search for it? True love and that. A fairy tale love story?

But what happens when the honeymoon period ends? When you want to get back to your life? Not because something went wrong but just you've to continue with life, the life you took a break from to get to know this new person who has entered your life. That is when trouble in paradise begins. That is when it all starts.

"Why do you want to go to the grocery? 

Is there someone else?"

"Why do you want to go over to your relatives?

Is there someone else?"

"Why do you want to take part in the competition?

Is there someone else?"

"Why do you want to break up?

Is there someone else?"

Like there is no other reason to end a toxic relationship but having someone else in your life. Why don't you go ahead and say:

"Why do you want to breathe ?

Is there someone else?"

Gah! The insecurity and paranoia. Instead of dealing with them they find the easy way out and dump it all on you. They will always suspect everything you do even if it is good. They don't find the need to consider your side of anything including your emotions.You say you love them and comply to all their whims and fancies, you are good to go. They are so exceptionally good with mind games that you question whether it's actually your fault. No isn't. It's just that they are that good. 

You know what's the actual horror of such relationships? Forget actual physical cheating, just take that and throw it out of the window. It is them calling and the call being on wait. You may be talking to someone who is dying and they would still expect you to hang up and talk to them and before that give an explanation why it was on wait. How dare you? They never think logically about anything, so if you aren't talking to them you are definitely cheating on them. Because that is what you do. Right! Sure! If they don't bring up your past and the sort of person you used to be at least once then I don't know why are we even existing. And God forbid if you were the party, open and wild sort then hell breaks loose. Good luck with that. When you don't answer, the person who falls prey for that is your BFF, after all they are their honorary partner. Sorry BFF. Good luck though. 

If that wasn't enough then there's this wonderful invention of What's App Messenger and even more wonderful is the invention of  'Last Seen At'. You'd be lying if you deny that you never had a fight regarding that. And then if you switch apps and come back within seconds then you are definitely sending nudes to everyone on your list. Now don't you know that will just break their heart? How dare you?

The passwords of all your accounts is like safety deposit because they are the boss and you are their employee and don't companies need your documents for their safety deposit? Are you really going to deny them that and lose your 'job' over that? Really? Why would you do that?

And when you comply with everything they say they are still going to be unsatisfied. So they will bring up something that happened ages ago, even before their existence in your life, feel bad about it and fight over it saying "How could you do this to me?" Oh Really?  I killed a fly 5 years back I'm sorry. I never meant to do that to you. Forgive me, please?

                                            

When it comes to them, even spies are nothing, they will want to know every move of you, every moment of your life and they will go to any extent to find that out. Did you know a person can actually track what pictures you send on Snapchat? There is something called privacy please do find out what it means if you can't, tell your Secret Santa to gift you a dictionary.

And if you ever have enough strength to end it, they wouldn't let you. Crying- The world's strongest weapon comes in handy now, " I'm just scared of losing you or else why would I even care?"  Oh really? You piece of shit would you want to be with you? Give the person some credit for putting up with you. Forget appreciation, acknowledge it. That's the least you could do after after ruining a person so much that they lost faith in everything . These are those relationships you don't want to share about with others because you are protecting a pathetic excuse for a human being's image. Why ? Do you really think you deserve that? Do you really think it's love? You don't deserve it no matter what you did. Don't do the time, if you didn't do the crime.

After all the mental torture, the emotional draining, the depriving of other human beings, the unhappiness and everything else, they still call it love. No it isn't. You DON'T do that to a person you LOVE. If you want someone like that go find yourself a masochist there are a lot of those around, okay if that's difficult there are people who are naturally like that. Don't take a happy, chirpy and full of life person and make them dull and lifeless. No, YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT.

For those people who are in such a relationship. Get out. I know it's incredibly hard. But do it trust me it feels better. Been there, done that. You deserve that. You owe that to yourself. And if you are in that phase where you want to talk about it and aren't strong enough yet to leave. Go talk to someone and then get the courage to leave. Soon. The world is waiting for you out there. Out of the prison. A world of freedom and happiness. Your freedom and your happiness. 

Whaaaat? Whhhhhy ? Noooooo! Gaaah!

So over 2 months I have tried coming up with something to write about and I thought about everything under the sun from a life changing experience from the past to something as random as that particular bird that just sits outside my room's window that puts me into the 5th gear of panic attack everytime I want to look outside. Yes I have this irrational fear of birds, Ornithophobia if you want to say , the phobia even Sheldon Cooper has. Then I thought why not put all of it under one topic and write about something I'm exceptionally good at - Overthinking. 

                     

It’s crazy how you can get yourself in a mess sometimes and not make sense of it and yet not be able to think about anything else but it ? Yes that happens. We are bound to experience that sometime and if you are in anyway like me you'd experience that a lot often , even on a regular basis probably. If you don't mess up how'd you learn ? No life lessons learning from others mistakes. But it's a matter of concern when you don't learn from your mistakes and keep repeating the same over and over again. Okay that's something I have to think over and hopefully not overthink. 

                                 ' Human Mind is nothing less than a death trap ' 

                      

 

What the Human Mind loves is re-living situations you just want to keep in the past and it re-lives it with such compassion , you start rethinking your very existence. It's like a reel that's playing in the back of your head that's stuck on Rewind and Play. Rewind and play all the time. Even when you know there's no point in looking into the void of uncertainty , trying to plan out and predict each and every outcome , thinking , overthinking and excessively overthinking what could that lead to ? What could have that possibly meant ? The one question that's everyone's enemy WHY? It's not until you get a full blown panic attack and screw up everything far more than it already was,  that you realize it was never a big deal to begin with. Would it be in your lifetime movie ?( if there's ever one ) Probably. But I bet it's not the climax of it and it definitely isn't the climax of your life. 

Let's pick up an event and think about the possible directions it could have gone. If you didn't die. It isn't the worst case scenario and we never think about anything the same way we did when we did it. It's never the same thinking process. NEVER. And when we didn't put much thought about anything when it happened then why later ? But then the heart wants what it wants. And so does the Mind and it wants to overthink. Even if deep down you know it's not worth it. It's not worth beating yourself over it. But how much ever others tell you and you yourself too , it's not easy. It's going to make you wallow in self pity and drown in the pool of regrets. Just let it pass. It will take a while but don't skip it. Don't rob yourself from that. But once it's done just never go back there. Ever. And you will be good to go as with time everything passes. Everything. 

Innocence Lost!

The loss of innocence is something that is inevitable but there is something far more heart wrenching and it is the death of innocence .It manages to disrupt the natural order and to get it back to track is arduous. The  imbalance that it causes initiates a war within that manifests in each individual in such contradistinction that it is almost difficult to interpret but of course has the list of apparent symptoms of anguish ,withdrawal , severe depression and absolute denial.

Innocence is lost when the monsters under our bed find a way up to our minds and become permanent resident there, rent free.

Give up to it for making the decisions for you. Oh yes blame the monsters in the head for the bad decisions of your life. Why ? Because it's easy. Isn't that the way ? But then again loss of innocence could go either way. Maturity or Bitterness. Which one would be the road not taken ? I haven't chosen the path of maturity. Bitterness? Perhaps. I believe I'm just lost along the way somewhere. I have never been good with routes anyway.I don't mind wandering for a bit.

But what happens when innocence collides with reality? The harsh cold reality? You still think you can hang on to your innocence in the world that is hell bound to tear it apart? No matter how much you struggle to prevaricate you know it's going to be short lived. Lucky are those people who are able to hang on to it for a lot longer. You find yourself unintentionally envious of them even when it is something that can be lost more than once.I know I do.

Yes there are times you feel the need to uncontrollably cry and during those times all you should do is cry. Pour your heart open. Crying over something that is lost isn't wrong and when it comes to the innate innocence. It deserves a tearful departure. 

There used to be an element of innocence in love, it used to be unconditional. Not that it isn't now but there are certain conditions now( and one can' t deny that) and if you go right ahead and give it a fighting chance

and have the audacity to believe in something and choose it, something you know deep down is not right then people play you, they play you real good. 

Then you find the need to talk. The 'Pour your heart out' kind of talk. Where do you go then? When it comes to some people you rather choose the wall. I totally would. Even though you don't require a full on session with a therapist or therapist-like friend all one needs is to be heard. You don't have to empathize or sympathize with them. Just hear them out. Give the assurance you are there cause there are some battles you just can't fight alone and there are some battles you don't want to. 

Then comes the Handbooks of Mankind. Imparting its wisdom on innocence lost and how it's gone forever. Innocence is not like virginity , that ship if sailed is sailed unless you find a way to stitch back the hymen. Yes innocence lost is hard to come back and it's just not lost at once. But then again it's always better to have loved and lost than not love at all. Similarly, Cherish innocence and when it has to go it will either taken away or willingly . A lot sooner for some than the others, and again like everything else under the sun it too has it's own beauty.