Love? Nah Abuse!

With a show of hands, who here has ever been in an abusive relationship? Come on, It's okay to admit it! No one is judging

Relationships, in general have a lasting affect on us. Now these relationships can be anything from friendships to romantic relationships and some of them can be so emotionally draining and mentally scarring for life.


Okay, First let's go through a check list.

• Do you ever feel degraded?
• Does this someone dominates or controls your life in anyway or every-way?
• Does this person always accuse you for everything wrong in their life?
• Do they pressurise you to do things against your will. Things you normally wouldn't do.
• Do they often play the blame game?
• Do you feel neglected?
• Are you always depended on them for everything in your life?
• Do you need their permission for even little things?
• Do you feel you don't belong anywhere? 

If you relate to most of the above mentioned, then you are a victim of emotional abuse. Abusive Relationships, to my surprise are more common than I thought. More than 1 in 4 teenage relationships report enduring verbal abuse. In such relationships, their partners threaten violence or self-harm if presented with a break-up.

From the very beginning there are always signs of abuse but we tend to look the other way. Everything is good till the honeymoon phase where we voluntarily cut off from everything else just to be with this one person. For you being with this person is everything. And why not? It's new and don't we all search for it? True love and that. A fairy tale love story?

But what happens when the honeymoon period ends? When you want to get back to your life? Not because something went wrong but just you've to continue with life, the life you took a break from to get to know this new person who has entered your life. That is when trouble in paradise begins. That is when it all starts.

"Why do you want to go to the grocery? 

Is there someone else?"

"Why do you want to go over to your relatives?

Is there someone else?"

"Why do you want to take part in the competition?

Is there someone else?"

"Why do you want to break up?

Is there someone else?"

Like there is no other reason to end a toxic relationship but having someone else in your life. Why don't you go ahead and say:

"Why do you want to breathe ?

Is there someone else?"

Gah! The insecurity and paranoia. Instead of dealing with them they find the easy way out and dump it all on you. They will always suspect everything you do even if it is good. They don't find the need to consider your side of anything including your emotions.You say you love them and comply to all their whims and fancies, you are good to go. They are so exceptionally good with mind games that you question whether it's actually your fault. No isn't. It's just that they are that good. 

You know what's the actual horror of such relationships? Forget actual physical cheating, just take that and throw it out of the window. It is them calling and the call being on wait. You may be talking to someone who is dying and they would still expect you to hang up and talk to them and before that give an explanation why it was on wait. How dare you? They never think logically about anything, so if you aren't talking to them you are definitely cheating on them. Because that is what you do. Right! Sure! If they don't bring up your past and the sort of person you used to be at least once then I don't know why are we even existing. And God forbid if you were the party, open and wild sort then hell breaks loose. Good luck with that. When you don't answer, the person who falls prey for that is your BFF, after all they are their honorary partner. Sorry BFF. Good luck though. 

If that wasn't enough then there's this wonderful invention of What's App Messenger and even more wonderful is the invention of  'Last Seen At'. You'd be lying if you deny that you never had a fight regarding that. And then if you switch apps and come back within seconds then you are definitely sending nudes to everyone on your list. Now don't you know that will just break their heart? How dare you?

The passwords of all your accounts is like safety deposit because they are the boss and you are their employee and don't companies need your documents for their safety deposit? Are you really going to deny them that and lose your 'job' over that? Really? Why would you do that?

And when you comply with everything they say they are still going to be unsatisfied. So they will bring up something that happened ages ago, even before their existence in your life, feel bad about it and fight over it saying "How could you do this to me?" Oh Really?  I killed a fly 5 years back I'm sorry. I never meant to do that to you. Forgive me, please?

                                            

When it comes to them, even spies are nothing, they will want to know every move of you, every moment of your life and they will go to any extent to find that out. Did you know a person can actually track what pictures you send on Snapchat? There is something called privacy please do find out what it means if you can't, tell your Secret Santa to gift you a dictionary.

And if you ever have enough strength to end it, they wouldn't let you. Crying- The world's strongest weapon comes in handy now, " I'm just scared of losing you or else why would I even care?"  Oh really? You piece of shit would you want to be with you? Give the person some credit for putting up with you. Forget appreciation, acknowledge it. That's the least you could do after after ruining a person so much that they lost faith in everything . These are those relationships you don't want to share about with others because you are protecting a pathetic excuse for a human being's image. Why ? Do you really think you deserve that? Do you really think it's love? You don't deserve it no matter what you did. Don't do the time, if you didn't do the crime.

After all the mental torture, the emotional draining, the depriving of other human beings, the unhappiness and everything else, they still call it love. No it isn't. You DON'T do that to a person you LOVE. If you want someone like that go find yourself a masochist there are a lot of those around, okay if that's difficult there are people who are naturally like that. Don't take a happy, chirpy and full of life person and make them dull and lifeless. No, YOU DON'T GET TO DO THAT.

For those people who are in such a relationship. Get out. I know it's incredibly hard. But do it trust me it feels better. Been there, done that. You deserve that. You owe that to yourself. And if you are in that phase where you want to talk about it and aren't strong enough yet to leave. Go talk to someone and then get the courage to leave. Soon. The world is waiting for you out there. Out of the prison. A world of freedom and happiness. Your freedom and your happiness. 

Whaaaat? Whhhhhy ? Noooooo! Gaaah!

So over 2 months I have tried coming up with something to write about and I thought about everything under the sun from a life changing experience from the past to something as random as that particular bird that just sits outside my room's window that puts me into the 5th gear of panic attack everytime I want to look outside. Yes I have this irrational fear of birds, Ornithophobia if you want to say , the phobia even Sheldon Cooper has. Then I thought why not put all of it under one topic and write about something I'm exceptionally good at - Overthinking. 

                     

It’s crazy how you can get yourself in a mess sometimes and not make sense of it and yet not be able to think about anything else but it ? Yes that happens. We are bound to experience that sometime and if you are in anyway like me you'd experience that a lot often , even on a regular basis probably. If you don't mess up how'd you learn ? No life lessons learning from others mistakes. But it's a matter of concern when you don't learn from your mistakes and keep repeating the same over and over again. Okay that's something I have to think over and hopefully not overthink. 

                                 ' Human Mind is nothing less than a death trap ' 

                      

 

What the Human Mind loves is re-living situations you just want to keep in the past and it re-lives it with such compassion , you start rethinking your very existence. It's like a reel that's playing in the back of your head that's stuck on Rewind and Play. Rewind and play all the time. Even when you know there's no point in looking into the void of uncertainty , trying to plan out and predict each and every outcome , thinking , overthinking and excessively overthinking what could that lead to ? What could have that possibly meant ? The one question that's everyone's enemy WHY? It's not until you get a full blown panic attack and screw up everything far more than it already was,  that you realize it was never a big deal to begin with. Would it be in your lifetime movie ?( if there's ever one ) Probably. But I bet it's not the climax of it and it definitely isn't the climax of your life. 

Let's pick up an event and think about the possible directions it could have gone. If you didn't die. It isn't the worst case scenario and we never think about anything the same way we did when we did it. It's never the same thinking process. NEVER. And when we didn't put much thought about anything when it happened then why later ? But then the heart wants what it wants. And so does the Mind and it wants to overthink. Even if deep down you know it's not worth it. It's not worth beating yourself over it. But how much ever others tell you and you yourself too , it's not easy. It's going to make you wallow in self pity and drown in the pool of regrets. Just let it pass. It will take a while but don't skip it. Don't rob yourself from that. But once it's done just never go back there. Ever. And you will be good to go as with time everything passes. Everything. 

Innocence Lost!

The loss of innocence is something that is inevitable but there is something far more heart wrenching and it is the death of innocence .It manages to disrupt the natural order and to get it back to track is arduous. The  imbalance that it causes initiates a war within that manifests in each individual in such contradistinction that it is almost difficult to interpret but of course has the list of apparent symptoms of anguish ,withdrawal , severe depression and absolute denial.

Innocence is lost when the monsters under our bed find a way up to our minds and become permanent resident there, rent free.

Give up to it for making the decisions for you. Oh yes blame the monsters in the head for the bad decisions of your life. Why ? Because it's easy. Isn't that the way ? But then again loss of innocence could go either way. Maturity or Bitterness. Which one would be the road not taken ? I haven't chosen the path of maturity. Bitterness? Perhaps. I believe I'm just lost along the way somewhere. I have never been good with routes anyway.I don't mind wandering for a bit.

But what happens when innocence collides with reality? The harsh cold reality? You still think you can hang on to your innocence in the world that is hell bound to tear it apart? No matter how much you struggle to prevaricate you know it's going to be short lived. Lucky are those people who are able to hang on to it for a lot longer. You find yourself unintentionally envious of them even when it is something that can be lost more than once.I know I do.

Yes there are times you feel the need to uncontrollably cry and during those times all you should do is cry. Pour your heart open. Crying over something that is lost isn't wrong and when it comes to the innate innocence. It deserves a tearful departure. 

There used to be an element of innocence in love, it used to be unconditional. Not that it isn't now but there are certain conditions now( and one can' t deny that) and if you go right ahead and give it a fighting chance

and have the audacity to believe in something and choose it, something you know deep down is not right then people play you, they play you real good. 

Then you find the need to talk. The 'Pour your heart out' kind of talk. Where do you go then? When it comes to some people you rather choose the wall. I totally would. Even though you don't require a full on session with a therapist or therapist-like friend all one needs is to be heard. You don't have to empathize or sympathize with them. Just hear them out. Give the assurance you are there cause there are some battles you just can't fight alone and there are some battles you don't want to. 

Then comes the Handbooks of Mankind. Imparting its wisdom on innocence lost and how it's gone forever. Innocence is not like virginity , that ship if sailed is sailed unless you find a way to stitch back the hymen. Yes innocence lost is hard to come back and it's just not lost at once. But then again it's always better to have loved and lost than not love at all. Similarly, Cherish innocence and when it has to go it will either taken away or willingly . A lot sooner for some than the others, and again like everything else under the sun it too has it's own beauty.

Chaos! How Chaotic can you get?

Life has an age old habit to sucker punch us in our face. Unluckily, old habits die hard. When life doesn't go accordingly it gives rise chaos. Where there is order there is chaos and where there is chaos there has to be order somewhere around the corner. Chaos and Order are like soulmates, destined to be together. And just like in every couple (How much ever we deny) one always has the upper hand. In this case it's chaos . Chaos has a control that is just beyond order's grip. Chaos by its very definition is something that cannot be controlled. It brings with it a tornado of emotions and events and opens a floodgate for these emotions and from it creeps out HOPE.

Hope gives rise to expectations and you know everything is either downhill or all about moving mountains from there. Hope is something that keeps the world going , tearing apart one person at a time. Hope takes the theory of gestalt a tad bit serious. What is in a whole? When the very fragments that make it a whole are torn apart? Nevertheless as long as there are people with emotion there's going to be hope unless the human race is replaced by robots 

The outcome of it is unforeseeable. Nothing is worse than the chaos of the mind as no physical damage can equal to the devastation and the destruction of the mind. It really does play well with the boundaries of sanity till the brink that you see it slip through the grip of your fingers. No matter how chaotic chaos can be it has always got people out of their mediocre lives and selves . It gives a person something to look back when they are old and wrinkly , tucked in some comfortable corner in the world or perhaps not. People have always needed a push even if it's for their own benefit (not complaining I'm one of them) and come out of the eternal slumber of comfort. They call it the 'COMFORT ZONE' then they shouldn't have a problem when they are ZONED out. Fair game? After all that's what everyone fights for isn't it?  

Life asks us to be in order but is it? It's full of contradictions and there's ought to be chaos in that.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder"or"Out of sight, Out of mind"

Which one is it life?

and then,

Let's talk about the one emotion that everyone wants to experience it( Yes even those who hate it. We all know it's a show) LOVE.

"It's better to have loved and lost than not love at all"

The People who have been in love you can see within their eyes a galaxy of chaos. An untold story or probably told  infinite times. The chaos in their mind never goes away. Human beings are said to be more evolved than any other species. Is it because we are tamed under what we call societal norms from the beginning of time? and oh yes the code of conduct and not left out in the wild where our forefathers belonged? ( Theory of evolution HEEELLLOOO)

and when we are unable to abide by them we are punished and put behind bars and solitary confinement cells. That's external. What about when we are unable to do something we are destined to do? Our insides take revenge . May we have mercy from our insides, the demons that reside within us. They emerge like a raw , feral entity. We are our own best friends and we are our own worst enemies. When the enemy takes over , you have to run a race against your own self to set things right, to fix things because no one can mess your life as much as you can do it. You just can't imagine what you are capable of  but then with great power comes the strength to endure it and once you are able to defeat the negative within you , the rest is a piece of cake. You are world ready then , take it by order or by chaos it's up to you.

Do we know what we are?

                     

               " In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity." 

                                     

Identity , something that sets us apart from others is our identity. Something that we are in search of all our lives.Something that only a few are able to find without having a tough row to hoe. But then it distinguishes us from others and when we fail at it we have an identity crisis. Identity crisis is something that is often linked with adolescence though it's effects linger till the later teens and also the twenties. 'Who am I?' is one question that we all have asked ourselves at some point or the other. Societal norms have specific pre-set ways to be and behave that is considered normal and anyone not abiding by it is subjected to constant ridicule and scrutiny and thus we fall further into the quicksand that is Identity crisis.

       We have different kinds of it as we grow not just physically but mentally as well. To start with, there are various situations one encounters in his/her life and of course the people that come with it. 

There is no avoiding them.The more people you meet the more are the chances that they are going to make you question yourself. And you all know what people are capable of. It's not as pretty as they paint the picture to be. People always say why let what others think of you bother you. Ignore it for your own good 

Knowingly or unknowingly it effects us and then we try justifying ourselves not just to the world but deep down to ourselves , not finding a way out , shutting yourself down, building walls all around. It's not going to get you anywhere. You are just going to lose yourself in the process. Not knowing who you are anymore can be pretty devastating but you need to learn to get over it. It's not easy but then again it's not impossible either because with time everything passes even the deadliest storms.

     " No death, no doom, no anguish can arouse the surpassing despair which flows from a loss of identity"

The people are like predators waiting to prey on your weakness the moment they spot one. One of the biggest weakness a person can have is the inability to say 'NO' loud and clear. Something I too was incapable of saying all my life even if it made me uncomfortable. Not being able to say no can be because of a lot of reasons one of them being the uncontrollable need to please people and amidst of all that we lose the sense of who we are . So desperately trying to make our place in the world we often give in and end up being what is said about us rather than being what we are.

Something of that sort happened with me a couple of years back, thanks to my incapability of saying no I went through something I called a 'Rock Bottom' then and I couldn't find a way out and started becoming more and more what was said about me and it completely wrecked me. All I could do was scream into a pillow and cry. For me not reacting was just not possible. Those who can maintain their calm in such situations. Cheers. I can only imagine the storm you are building with in. So the only rational thing I could think of is to hear one good thing about me, it could be anything ,literally, and I asked one person ( the right person) to say something about me, her opinion about me . ( It was good btw)

So these people have this boy/girl next door exterior while getting their way with you (or at least trying to ) and you just end up being the girl who cried wolf. No matter how much you try the other person comes out as the good guy and you the bad one, wrong one and it's almost impossible to show their real side to people except your close ones (and at times not even that) . Good that it's the era of screenshots. You end up having some kind of proof. Nevertheless they are going to meet their fate sooner or later because karma bitch! It's so convenient to play the blame game.

"She was throwing herself at me. What could I do? I'm a guy after all."

Well you could keep it in your pants.

"You were drunk and asked for it"

Well you could have said NO.

People  ,something no one's ever going to get tired discussing. As long as there are people there are going to be people who are discussing about them , whether they are a saint or a sinner no one escapes the radar. Not that people want to either . Who doesn't love the limelight ?

And your only hope is not being in it for long and if you like it then enjoy your day of sunshine.

The mind is its own place and in itself it can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven. The choice is yours how you want it to be and your mind is your puppet you can play tricks on it just the way it does on you. With it in your control along with your heart you can conquer the world and finding yourself ( and your identity) in it is a battle that just cannot go wrong. Well everyone's fighting a battle and there's more to a person than what meets the eye.

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Let's talk about the greatest invention of God. Us girls , the women , the fairer sex, the female human being. We ,by now,  must have encountered (almost) every kind. We meet so many people in our lifetime and a good amount of them are girls. Every girl is unique , Every girl is different. Hence every girl is a kind. So let's categorize them. The first impression is never going to be the last. Especially for me, every girl I hated( too strong? disliked perhaps ) at the first meet has grown really close to me over time and at times even ended up being my best-friend (BFF if you prefer). There are good girls, there are bad girls and then there are plain outright bitches( Yes I used the 'B' word and it's okay). I'm not  going to categorize them in the above mentioned categories they do however fall in a different set. So let's start with my favorite kind ( these are usually everyone's favorite). The 'MISS GOODY TWO SHOES'. ( Pretentious little beings). You know these are the kind that are good to everyone they meet , have good reputations, friendly, good grades ,teacher's pet, obedient child with the I never touched a guy or even thought about it look on . Basically the textbook definition of a 'Perfect Girl'. Bullshit. I'm not saying that they are completely fake but come on. They exactly know how to keep other people wrapped around their fingers. These are the girls who do all the shit in the world and somehow have someone in their lives to cover it up. These are the one's who would sit with a bunch of guys get drunk out of their minds and still come out clean. The one's who make their 'guy'-friends hang around them,  get all the attention (and gifts)from them while keeping them hanging for that one chance and if they are on the verge of giving up they would try to get it back, the love-card. I Love You but you have to wait. Can you do that for me? and when they get Girlfriends after being tired of waiting they'll try to show these girls the upper-hand they have over their boyfriends.  Smart?No Bitch! Low.
Then there are the "DAMSEL IN DISTRESS' kind of a girl. (Read- female versions of a man-child) Though they are not really immature they just pretend to be so. These are a special kind. They love gaining sympathy. Their tag-line? Please save me! They have the puppy eyes look permanently glued to their faces. " I can't open the jar. Would you open it for me?" ," I'm feeling cold. Would you give me your jacket?"," I can't walk anymore. Would you carry me?" . They are the one's waiting for their knight in shining armor to be saved from the harsh realities of the world. Well keep waiting.
Then there are the "COOL GIRL' kind. If you've read or even watched Gone Girl, you'll know what I'm talking about. According to Amy Elliott Dunne from Gone Girl , A cool girl means (From the book)
                   " I'm hot brilliant , funny who adores football, poker, dirty jokes and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer , loves threesomes and anal sex and jams hot-dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang-bang while somehow managing to be size 2. These are the kind who never gets angry and they let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead shit on me. I don't mind. I'm the cool girl"
These are the kind that are borderline masochists and would go to any extent to please a fellow human being. Beware.
Then there are the 'SELF PROCLAIMED FEMINISTS'
The ideal definition of a feminist is a person who advocates social, political, legal and economic rights for women equal to those of men. So some girls take this as an opportunity to get their way in ,basically, everything. You are the guy you pay, buy me expensive gifts, open doors for me. Hopeless. These are the kind , when in relationships flirt, sext and even make-out/ have sex with countless guys and when their boyfriends have one girl-friend, hell breaks loose. These kind are not feminists, they are misandrists and probably misogynists too. They want special privileges at everything in school, colleges, public transports , jobs, life. Yes , In a male dominated society  feminists are required but not these whatever -ists they are.
Then there are 'OPPORTUNISTS'
These are the side-kicks of the queen bee. They will do anything to get into their good books. Tie my shoe-laces. Done. I'm hungry, come cook for me. Done. Do my homework. Done. They work their way up the ladder , zero in on your secrets and everything else and  then they wait patiently and when the opportunity strikes. There they are out-running you , taking your place at everything grabbing everything that is yours. Your friends, your boyfriend, your place at school/college, your lifestyle, your life. Often your downfall is because of them, they use everything they know about you against you, use your secrets as leverage and get their way in the end . So weird that the one person you thought is so harmless stole everything from you. EVERYTHING. These innocent seeming ones are the most dangerous of all. Be extra-careful because their mind is always working. They might be getting you that vanilla latte from Starbucks. But only for now , because they always have a plan and its always to undo you and take your place.
Then they are the 'REAL ONES'
These are the best. Friends for life. The one who would help you hide a body in the middle of the night. No questions asked. The one's who are with you through thick and thin, through all the shit in your life. Through issues at home (fights, sibling rivalry and so on ) , issues at school(bad grades, teachers , Don't they love making our lives living hell? Well I had a few of them , they hated the very sight of me and I always wondered why) and  issues with other girls( Okay she's trying to steal my boyfriend, Did you notice that she's trying to be me?) and then comes the issues with boyfriends( He's cheating on me, Pregnancy scares- because we need someone's hand to hold when we are waiting for that line to turn '-' and the boyfriend is too much of a chicken . Coward. Asshole.). These are the girls that we will always treasure, the ones you can trust your life with, they give the right advice and when there's none they'll hug you and be there for you, they own up to their mistakes , they are genuine and happen to like fellow female beings without considering them as competition . They are very hard to find , but if you do hold on to them. They will never judge you , accept your negatives with your positives and will tell you on your face when you are being an 'A' class bitch.These are one's from whom you'll take your 'Something Borrowed' for your wedding . The person you totally mean when you say You love them to the moon and back. It doesn't matter how long you have known each other , It's about how much you know about each other.
Nonetheless , Every girl is special and wonderful,  Be it your best-friend, sister, nemesis, that suspiciously close BFF of your love , that classmate or anyone. Girls are going to be girls. You can't live with them, You can't live without them

Be careful what you wish for.

It is rightly said that "Destiny has two ways of crushing us- By refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them". Refusing ,yes, we can see it the devastation, the denial, the wreckage and then there is fulfilling them. It is so catastrophically put that the fulfillment of our wishes is the very thing that destroys us, crushes us. Everything comes with a price. Our wishes too, they are more like wants if you see. I WANT this. I  WANT that. I WANT to go there. I WANT him. Yes I have had all these wants and I have made sure I always got what I wanted. But it never stops there . It's not the happily ever after yet. Yes you get what you want then what? Then comes the price we talked about and it's never pretty. We are merely rejoicing the fact that we got what we wanted and reality hits us. 'This' thing we wanted is not good enough. 'That' thing we wanted is good as long as it is someone else's. 'That place' we wanted to go. Not a good idea. 'That person' we wanted. We fell in love with the idea of them, the idea that was well orchestrated in our minds and not the real them. Then comes that moment where our sanity slips through us and we are nothing but mere puppets.We just don't have any control over ourselves. We start hitting rock bottoms time after time . Only thing worse than geographical isolation is the mental isolation , the emotional isolation. We know what we got ourselves into is destroying us yet we try to keep ourselves whole and lose ourselves in fragments. Even then we are not ready to let it go. Why? Because we worked so hard to get it.  Is that a good enough reason? To let someone walk all over you? To let someone destroy you?  But then again tragedy has its unique way of clarifying our priorities. Until then people feed on our doubts and confusion.They take advantage of us , our vulnerability, our gullibility, our utter stupidity and oh yes the priority they have in our lives .We start questioning ourselves and our existence amidst their mind games. And all this for what? For the satisfaction that we got what we wanted. Not being able to walk away from it because we won't
be able to find something so 'special' again? We won't be able to survive such a terrible devastation of the heart? The ultimate heartbreak? People have gone through a lot worse and were able to walk away from it. when you see a opportunity to walk away from such a thing ALWAYS walk away. Walk away and never look back. They don't want the best for us . For them we are nothing but a pathetic attempt to paint a nicer picture of themselves to the world .Ego boost perhaps. It's always to show off to the world and nothing else.So you need to pick up all the fragments , the pieces scattered pick them right up and start building , you might not be the old you but you'll be the better you. I promise . This moment will pass. It has to because the night can only last for so long and yes it's the darkest before the dawn and you'll have a new day , Your day. Until then stay strong and never give up on yourselves.

Zoning out? Am I overthinking this?

The world's not supposed to be seen or lived alone. After all no one wants to die an old maid.Hence there's a constant need of a companion. And this companionship, we try to seek in everyone and everywhere.We need someone , we want someone. Always. Just to be there for you , to listen to you whine about what pathetic piece of crap life's throwing at you or to talk about the new crush and the juicy details( You know the phase when everything is new and you swear it's true ) Or when you rekindle with an ex-flame. Oh the sparks, The walks down the memory lane and the zillion remember-when's. Oh the nostalgia. You begin to behave like a teenager in love for the first time or probably the zillionth time. Fickle minded lot they can be. Nevertheless, we start treating a particular person like our diary, we might have a tough time writing in a diary everyday but we wouldn't forget to call up or text every single detail of our life as and when it happens. The bitching sessions of that particular girl you don't like or the obsessing over the cute guy you met the other day. Basically sharing everything with them and by everything I mean EVERYTHING. We don't exactly need their opinion though we take them into consideration and end up making our decisions based on them. Especially in relationships but the new found -forever- love takes the best of us. This goes on for a while. Everything goes on well. You have everything even your pillars of faith. But what if one fine day they wake up and decide "Okay! I don't need you in my life. I'm going to zone you out." Ouch. And this person  this pillar of faith could be anyone literally ; your inseparable sister  , you best-friend for life(BFF) or that friend you just considered so much more than a random friendship. They do manage to throw the busy card. But it can only be true for a while and there's only so much one can take and all it's going to end up to is one lousy call or probably a text on your birthday and that to usually late. These are the same people who would wait up on conference till 12:00 on the clock and wish you 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' together or even surprise you at your doorstep. How much time takes away from us! The moving on , the growing up! Is that all it's about? parting ways from someone you knew all your life? These people who once swore would be there by your side with no conditions or demands just decide you are no longer important to them anymore? and they'll just end up being in your memories. Walks down the memory lane? strike that ,nostalgia ? double strike that. Will they even notice if  you disappear? Overthinking ! That's going to be an epidemic in the coming years if it already isn't. No one gains anything out of overthinking. But then there's only so much one can do , people too reach their saturation points. These people do come back to you but probably as the last resort or when they have no one else to talk to or probably are bored out of their dumb-witted brains and by extension lives and come to you for the entertainment quotient.But in the end it works out for the best. They, though, take a fragment of you something that you might never get back. You just learn to live it. Learn to accept and not to expect and even if you don't there are so many people out there , you meet new people and the cycle continues.

Begin Again

Hi, I'm supposed to introduce myself. I have thought about a million ways in the past hour and resorted to the old but classic. Hi, I'm Afshan Fatima :) . This space is about me. ALL ABOUT ME. Yes I'm tad bit full of myself. So , In the world of doctors and engineers I'm neither. I'm not even the secret but viable third option- business student either. Well I study Psychology , yes still studying to be one and I'll be one if I don't mess up this year. The final year. Ha feels great to be a final year student. I just entered the 20s last week. The big number. Initially I was like OMG (yes I did actually say that) but then later I was like meh(well I didn't exactly say that but definitely felt it) So till now we have accomplished my name, my age and the fact that I'm a girl( if my name doesn't give that away I'm one and that to studying in an all girls college- On the bright side I can wear what I want to) I have always been interested in writing, I stuck to pen and paper growing up because I never understood the concept of a blog. My big accomplishment back then was switching on the computer without corrupting it with virus and playing pinball (yes 90s kid ) and also doodling on paint and amusing the people around with the wonder of ctrl+Z . Fun times. I used to amuse myself with it rather since amusing others required to have people around and I was a loner. Growing up. Ouch. That still hurts. But I've made peace with it. Things have changed and as it is said everything passes. So  did that. I have people I need in my life rather than the people I want. Big difference between the two , learnt it the harder way- you know the usual process going behind 'The people' ,going out of my way to please them. That had to end and it did. Leaving behind the toxic people and maintaining distances from a few more has definitely made me feel much better about myself. I used to wallow in self-pity. Sucks right?  and now I glow in self-admiration(in control though) well I've always been the extremes type so... I have been travelling all my life , changed about 12 schools( technically 11-I came back to one again) It still counts because I was always the new girl sadly not the mysterious one since I've always been an open book.I'm proud about it . I flaunt what I'm and what I bring to the table . Never understood the concept of pretending to be someone else with particular people just to fit in. It's good to be different and I'm proud I'm. So well that's all about me for now
I believe at the end everything turns out well. All's well that ends well. huh? Shakespeare (the literature student in me).Let's see how this one turns out. Looking forward to this amazing experience to express myself , see others express themselves and also to strike one more thing off my bucket list. To learn to blog successfully.