Do we know what we are?

                     

               " In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity." 

                                     

Identity , something that sets us apart from others is our identity. Something that we are in search of all our lives.Something that only a few are able to find without having a tough row to hoe. But then it distinguishes us from others and when we fail at it we have an identity crisis. Identity crisis is something that is often linked with adolescence though it's effects linger till the later teens and also the twenties. 'Who am I?' is one question that we all have asked ourselves at some point or the other. Societal norms have specific pre-set ways to be and behave that is considered normal and anyone not abiding by it is subjected to constant ridicule and scrutiny and thus we fall further into the quicksand that is Identity crisis.

       We have different kinds of it as we grow not just physically but mentally as well. To start with, there are various situations one encounters in his/her life and of course the people that come with it. 

There is no avoiding them.The more people you meet the more are the chances that they are going to make you question yourself. And you all know what people are capable of. It's not as pretty as they paint the picture to be. People always say why let what others think of you bother you. Ignore it for your own good 

Knowingly or unknowingly it effects us and then we try justifying ourselves not just to the world but deep down to ourselves , not finding a way out , shutting yourself down, building walls all around. It's not going to get you anywhere. You are just going to lose yourself in the process. Not knowing who you are anymore can be pretty devastating but you need to learn to get over it. It's not easy but then again it's not impossible either because with time everything passes even the deadliest storms.

     " No death, no doom, no anguish can arouse the surpassing despair which flows from a loss of identity"

The people are like predators waiting to prey on your weakness the moment they spot one. One of the biggest weakness a person can have is the inability to say 'NO' loud and clear. Something I too was incapable of saying all my life even if it made me uncomfortable. Not being able to say no can be because of a lot of reasons one of them being the uncontrollable need to please people and amidst of all that we lose the sense of who we are . So desperately trying to make our place in the world we often give in and end up being what is said about us rather than being what we are.

Something of that sort happened with me a couple of years back, thanks to my incapability of saying no I went through something I called a 'Rock Bottom' then and I couldn't find a way out and started becoming more and more what was said about me and it completely wrecked me. All I could do was scream into a pillow and cry. For me not reacting was just not possible. Those who can maintain their calm in such situations. Cheers. I can only imagine the storm you are building with in. So the only rational thing I could think of is to hear one good thing about me, it could be anything ,literally, and I asked one person ( the right person) to say something about me, her opinion about me . ( It was good btw)

So these people have this boy/girl next door exterior while getting their way with you (or at least trying to ) and you just end up being the girl who cried wolf. No matter how much you try the other person comes out as the good guy and you the bad one, wrong one and it's almost impossible to show their real side to people except your close ones (and at times not even that) . Good that it's the era of screenshots. You end up having some kind of proof. Nevertheless they are going to meet their fate sooner or later because karma bitch! It's so convenient to play the blame game.

"She was throwing herself at me. What could I do? I'm a guy after all."

Well you could keep it in your pants.

"You were drunk and asked for it"

Well you could have said NO.

People  ,something no one's ever going to get tired discussing. As long as there are people there are going to be people who are discussing about them , whether they are a saint or a sinner no one escapes the radar. Not that people want to either . Who doesn't love the limelight ?

And your only hope is not being in it for long and if you like it then enjoy your day of sunshine.

The mind is its own place and in itself it can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven. The choice is yours how you want it to be and your mind is your puppet you can play tricks on it just the way it does on you. With it in your control along with your heart you can conquer the world and finding yourself ( and your identity) in it is a battle that just cannot go wrong. Well everyone's fighting a battle and there's more to a person than what meets the eye.

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Let's talk about the greatest invention of God. Us girls , the women , the fairer sex, the female human being. We ,by now,  must have encountered (almost) every kind. We meet so many people in our lifetime and a good amount of them are girls. Every girl is unique , Every girl is different. Hence every girl is a kind. So let's categorize them. The first impression is never going to be the last. Especially for me, every girl I hated( too strong? disliked perhaps ) at the first meet has grown really close to me over time and at times even ended up being my best-friend (BFF if you prefer). There are good girls, there are bad girls and then there are plain outright bitches( Yes I used the 'B' word and it's okay). I'm not  going to categorize them in the above mentioned categories they do however fall in a different set. So let's start with my favorite kind ( these are usually everyone's favorite). The 'MISS GOODY TWO SHOES'. ( Pretentious little beings). You know these are the kind that are good to everyone they meet , have good reputations, friendly, good grades ,teacher's pet, obedient child with the I never touched a guy or even thought about it look on . Basically the textbook definition of a 'Perfect Girl'. Bullshit. I'm not saying that they are completely fake but come on. They exactly know how to keep other people wrapped around their fingers. These are the girls who do all the shit in the world and somehow have someone in their lives to cover it up. These are the one's who would sit with a bunch of guys get drunk out of their minds and still come out clean. The one's who make their 'guy'-friends hang around them,  get all the attention (and gifts)from them while keeping them hanging for that one chance and if they are on the verge of giving up they would try to get it back, the love-card. I Love You but you have to wait. Can you do that for me? and when they get Girlfriends after being tired of waiting they'll try to show these girls the upper-hand they have over their boyfriends.  Smart?No Bitch! Low.
Then there are the "DAMSEL IN DISTRESS' kind of a girl. (Read- female versions of a man-child) Though they are not really immature they just pretend to be so. These are a special kind. They love gaining sympathy. Their tag-line? Please save me! They have the puppy eyes look permanently glued to their faces. " I can't open the jar. Would you open it for me?" ," I'm feeling cold. Would you give me your jacket?"," I can't walk anymore. Would you carry me?" . They are the one's waiting for their knight in shining armor to be saved from the harsh realities of the world. Well keep waiting.
Then there are the "COOL GIRL' kind. If you've read or even watched Gone Girl, you'll know what I'm talking about. According to Amy Elliott Dunne from Gone Girl , A cool girl means (From the book)
                   " I'm hot brilliant , funny who adores football, poker, dirty jokes and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer , loves threesomes and anal sex and jams hot-dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she's hosting the world's biggest culinary gang-bang while somehow managing to be size 2. These are the kind who never gets angry and they let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead shit on me. I don't mind. I'm the cool girl"
These are the kind that are borderline masochists and would go to any extent to please a fellow human being. Beware.
Then there are the 'SELF PROCLAIMED FEMINISTS'
The ideal definition of a feminist is a person who advocates social, political, legal and economic rights for women equal to those of men. So some girls take this as an opportunity to get their way in ,basically, everything. You are the guy you pay, buy me expensive gifts, open doors for me. Hopeless. These are the kind , when in relationships flirt, sext and even make-out/ have sex with countless guys and when their boyfriends have one girl-friend, hell breaks loose. These kind are not feminists, they are misandrists and probably misogynists too. They want special privileges at everything in school, colleges, public transports , jobs, life. Yes , In a male dominated society  feminists are required but not these whatever -ists they are.
Then there are 'OPPORTUNISTS'
These are the side-kicks of the queen bee. They will do anything to get into their good books. Tie my shoe-laces. Done. I'm hungry, come cook for me. Done. Do my homework. Done. They work their way up the ladder , zero in on your secrets and everything else and  then they wait patiently and when the opportunity strikes. There they are out-running you , taking your place at everything grabbing everything that is yours. Your friends, your boyfriend, your place at school/college, your lifestyle, your life. Often your downfall is because of them, they use everything they know about you against you, use your secrets as leverage and get their way in the end . So weird that the one person you thought is so harmless stole everything from you. EVERYTHING. These innocent seeming ones are the most dangerous of all. Be extra-careful because their mind is always working. They might be getting you that vanilla latte from Starbucks. But only for now , because they always have a plan and its always to undo you and take your place.
Then they are the 'REAL ONES'
These are the best. Friends for life. The one who would help you hide a body in the middle of the night. No questions asked. The one's who are with you through thick and thin, through all the shit in your life. Through issues at home (fights, sibling rivalry and so on ) , issues at school(bad grades, teachers , Don't they love making our lives living hell? Well I had a few of them , they hated the very sight of me and I always wondered why) and  issues with other girls( Okay she's trying to steal my boyfriend, Did you notice that she's trying to be me?) and then comes the issues with boyfriends( He's cheating on me, Pregnancy scares- because we need someone's hand to hold when we are waiting for that line to turn '-' and the boyfriend is too much of a chicken . Coward. Asshole.). These are the girls that we will always treasure, the ones you can trust your life with, they give the right advice and when there's none they'll hug you and be there for you, they own up to their mistakes , they are genuine and happen to like fellow female beings without considering them as competition . They are very hard to find , but if you do hold on to them. They will never judge you , accept your negatives with your positives and will tell you on your face when you are being an 'A' class bitch.These are one's from whom you'll take your 'Something Borrowed' for your wedding . The person you totally mean when you say You love them to the moon and back. It doesn't matter how long you have known each other , It's about how much you know about each other.
Nonetheless , Every girl is special and wonderful,  Be it your best-friend, sister, nemesis, that suspiciously close BFF of your love , that classmate or anyone. Girls are going to be girls. You can't live with them, You can't live without them

Be careful what you wish for.

It is rightly said that "Destiny has two ways of crushing us- By refusing our wishes and by fulfilling them". Refusing ,yes, we can see it the devastation, the denial, the wreckage and then there is fulfilling them. It is so catastrophically put that the fulfillment of our wishes is the very thing that destroys us, crushes us. Everything comes with a price. Our wishes too, they are more like wants if you see. I WANT this. I  WANT that. I WANT to go there. I WANT him. Yes I have had all these wants and I have made sure I always got what I wanted. But it never stops there . It's not the happily ever after yet. Yes you get what you want then what? Then comes the price we talked about and it's never pretty. We are merely rejoicing the fact that we got what we wanted and reality hits us. 'This' thing we wanted is not good enough. 'That' thing we wanted is good as long as it is someone else's. 'That place' we wanted to go. Not a good idea. 'That person' we wanted. We fell in love with the idea of them, the idea that was well orchestrated in our minds and not the real them. Then comes that moment where our sanity slips through us and we are nothing but mere puppets.We just don't have any control over ourselves. We start hitting rock bottoms time after time . Only thing worse than geographical isolation is the mental isolation , the emotional isolation. We know what we got ourselves into is destroying us yet we try to keep ourselves whole and lose ourselves in fragments. Even then we are not ready to let it go. Why? Because we worked so hard to get it.  Is that a good enough reason? To let someone walk all over you? To let someone destroy you?  But then again tragedy has its unique way of clarifying our priorities. Until then people feed on our doubts and confusion.They take advantage of us , our vulnerability, our gullibility, our utter stupidity and oh yes the priority they have in our lives .We start questioning ourselves and our existence amidst their mind games. And all this for what? For the satisfaction that we got what we wanted. Not being able to walk away from it because we won't
be able to find something so 'special' again? We won't be able to survive such a terrible devastation of the heart? The ultimate heartbreak? People have gone through a lot worse and were able to walk away from it. when you see a opportunity to walk away from such a thing ALWAYS walk away. Walk away and never look back. They don't want the best for us . For them we are nothing but a pathetic attempt to paint a nicer picture of themselves to the world .Ego boost perhaps. It's always to show off to the world and nothing else.So you need to pick up all the fragments , the pieces scattered pick them right up and start building , you might not be the old you but you'll be the better you. I promise . This moment will pass. It has to because the night can only last for so long and yes it's the darkest before the dawn and you'll have a new day , Your day. Until then stay strong and never give up on yourselves.